glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i now understand why vodka
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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