I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
