Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
