I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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