i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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