Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize