Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
if i died would you start the facebook group?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
