so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
