So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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