I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
