There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
