It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
