Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
