I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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