i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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