I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
