I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
