went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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