Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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