Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
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Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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