she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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