I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
