Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
