u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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