Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
