smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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