Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize