went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
