Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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