standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He felt like a one man threesome
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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