it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
