You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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