Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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