i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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