please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
