Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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