She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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