So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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