My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
