Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
