he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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