I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
