You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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