I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize