playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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