dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
