Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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