I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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