i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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