Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
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