U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
