If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I could fuck to npr.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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