everyone is single if you try hard enough
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
