yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
