big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
