Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
