Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
