Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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