True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize