Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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